E is For Endangered

Friday, February 25, 2011 at 16:51
I'm worried about the plight of the letter “e”. I think the poor guy is getting a bum rap and people should know about it. It's the second vowel in the English alphabet and the most commonly used vowel in the english language. And yet, this inimitable workhorse of a letter is the subject of horrendous mistreatment on the internet.

For years, our good servant e was required to bear the burden of every single important endeavor on the internet and the bold new economy it introduced. Millions of people started using their newfangled e-mail to send e-vites to lavish e-gatherings and were e-commuting to their e-jobs or working for e-tailers pursuing the new e-business of e-commerce at companies like eBay, ebags, & etoys. All of us e-workers were enthralled to be engaged in this exciting experimental endeavor, writing our e-docs, reading e-books, and dreaming of the bright e-future ahead of us, and our e-bank accounts full of e-gold.

Just when everything seemed exceptionally excellent for our vowelous friend e, along came a massive double-whammy sucker punch: the dot-bomb crash and the iAssault of Apple and its iCEO – the iMac, iPod and ninety zillion translucent blue iAccessories. Suddenly, all things e were anathema. E-anything stunk of failure and defeat, but the i was here to save the day! The iRevolution was not televised, but it was podcast and the poor e was sent scurrying away like a scared iMouse being chased by an iCat. Thus we adored the i-Appliances like the i-Opener, we ogled images with iBrowser and some (don't ask me who!) even marveled at the magnificently malodourous iSmell. All the hip companies quickly rebranded to new i-dentities, made spiffy new i-videos, produced iApps, launched incredible new iBlogs and we soon iForgot about our old friend whats-his-name.

Sadly, for some people, simply substituting the e away wasn't enough. The iChange it seems, wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and so we dove in headfirst with Web 2.0, hammering the final nail in the e-coffin. The cool kids on the net are now bent on full-out extermination of the e. 

It started with the yahoos at flickr, then a whack of othr photo sites had to join in, like resizr, pixlr, and mappr. Apparently a picture is worth a thousand words, but only if none of them have an e in them. Every workr can now blastr like a raptr, using their browsr like an organizr, a normalisr and sometimes even a writrThen there's the insidious bunch of e-killers that pretend to nurture the e, and yet are silently strangling it at the same time. I'm looking at you, evrsoft, defendr, roundedcornr, and boulevardr. Worst of all has to be the evil-doers at dlvr.it who are killing off two e's and one i in a single name!

Please, won't someone think of the e's! If we don't act soon, I fear it will be fatally fukt. 


  1. Hamish44 Says:

    i er u

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